Energy, Last, Run

I found these 3 words as journaling prompts at caregiving.com.  Hold on tight here we go!

ENERGY

Last Sunday, I dropped Brandon off at diabetes camp.  This is his second year at camp and when I pick him up he is full of energy because he is so excited to tell me everything that he  did during the entire week and without electronics.  This year we had to pick up his sister in Ohio so the car ride was a little longer.

He taught me all the camp songs and told me about his adventures canoeing and playing volleyball and the skits that they performed during the week.  Needless to say he had so much energy during the first 2 hours of the ride to Ohio, that soon faded to a very long nap.

My ride to camp to fetch Brandon was full of anticipation and energy.  I had missed him and his humor.  My energy was up because I got to rest a little.  I got to sleep through the 2 am blood sugar tests and take a break from counting carbs.

I know that we both look forward to camp, it is a week that he can be with kids like him and spend a whole week having fun and not worrying about diabetes. He gains energy by being a kid again.

I gain energy by turning off the worry for a week and getting some sleep.  It makes me so happy to see him after camp, his smile and excitement about the weeks events.

Listen to my radio interview with Denise Brown of caregiving.com here.

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Today I Cried

Today I watched.  Today I cried.

What did I watch, a video chat on Tudiabetes with mom and author Moira McCarthy.  

Why did I cry?  It has been about a year and 6 months since Brandon was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, and it has been hard.  Hard to watch my kind hearted son, be angry, watch him deal with something that changed his entire life.  Hard to manage and understand why his numbers are, well are what they are.  Hard to not nag and pester my son because I am fearful.  Hard to do the god damn math that changes every three months.  Hard to wake up at 2:00am to take his blood sugars.  Hard to make sure that I am not forgetting my daughter.  Hard to do this all by myself. 

I actually did not cry about any of these things.  I cried because she admitted that it was hard, to watch her daughter lie to her about checking her blood sugars and taking her insulin.  That is was hard to find the right words when all she wanted to do is scream.  That it was hard to deal with the shame that comes with all of this.

I cried because I was relieved.  I cried because I am not the only one that has these feelings.  I cried because she said that as a parent you need that break to reset.  I cried because she understood.