Emptied of Strength

Today was awful.  Brandon woke up this morning and he didn’t feel well.  I have been attempting to work with him on working through a morning in which he does not feel well.  Well the morning turned bad quickly.  He picked up the garbage can and began throwing up.  This tells me his blood glucose is high.  Took his blood sugar and he was HI. I had him pee in a cup and we tested for ketones and he had them.

Then the anxiety set in.  Brandon is sick, we now have to begin the water and testing his blood glucose every 2 hours.  I am also supposed to be at a conference that starts in about 45 minutes for work.  What do I do?  I have no one here to help me.  My ex husband has disappeared and we have no idea where he is.  My family lives in another state and I have only lived in Indiana for about a year and really have no friends to help.

The anxiety is so thick I am not sure that I can breathe.  I hate the feeling of worrying about my job when my son is sick.  I am not sure how to pull it all together some days.  How to be 2 people in 2 places.

I feel emptied of strength.

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Day 1

Our first day in the hospital there were so many thoughts going through my head.  As I followed the ambulance to the hospital, I made a call to my sister in Ohio to tell her about Brandon.  We quickly made the decision not to tell mom for a few days.  At the hospital the Endocrinology team advanced upon the room.  Doctors and nurses and diabetic educators and dietitians all came in to talk and to learn about his history and to reassure us that it was nothing that we did that caused the diabetes.  They asked us about his eating habits, is there a family history of Type 1 Diabetes, autoimmune disorders?

I first thought did he get this from me?  His father?  Would he have to be on a pump for the rest of his life?  I didn’t want him on a pump for the rest of his life.  Would he have to eat snacks out in the hall way at school like my next door neighbor did when we were kids.  I can’t cook – will I have to start cooking?  Will we have to eat vegetables?! I am a single mom how am I going to handle this when he is home by himself?  I am a disorganized mess how am I going to add this into the mess we already have?

Then I saw the changes that first day, he had spunk, his cheeks had color, the circles under his eyes began to go away.  The food, he ate so much food! I then saw something that humbled me.  He was amazing.  He handled this with grace and humor.  I was not only proud of him but he was and is my hero!

It was amazing to have such a dedicated team to help us through our first days.  Our first four days with the disease were spent in the hospital with a support team to guide us and teach us and hold our hands.  The place we didn’t want to be became our refuge and leaving the hospital was scary.